Monday, May 6, 2013

I'm trying to join the Epsilon Program

Michael Gutierrez
I cant wait to get started. KIFFLOM

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The main ideals of the Epsilon Program are established on their website. The religions main deity is Kifflom, and members follow his twelve tenets:
  1. The world is 157 years old, and it doesn't age.
  2. Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak.
  3. You are happy, you just don’t know it.
  4. We all come from the same tree.
  5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair.
  6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told.
  7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day.
  8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm.
  9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them.
  10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure.
  11. If you believe this and turn you hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed.
Their site contains a page about the Tract, which is expected to hold the truth about Epsilon. However, the site states that the tract has not yet been written. There is an address in Grand Canaria to send a cheque to, from which you would supposedly be sent a copy of the Tract. Grand Canaria is well known as a tax haven and offshore location for many dubious companies.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you know, this is something that rockstar created, the videogame company, near the release of gta san andreas, the dude in the pic is chris formage, an ingame dude that is the head of the epsilon program.